Pieces Mended
by DearSweetPapercut
Summary: "If she couldn't trust her own judgement then what did she have left to count on?" set post 13x17. Previously one-shot now more.
1. Chapter 1

Set post 13x17

Hope you all like it- please review.

(My first Law & Order: SVU story- I'm usually hiding out in the CSI corner for FF)

Disclaimer: I own zilch.

**Pieces Mended **

The night air felt comfortable on her skin, settling like an old companion as Olivia made her way towards the cab. It has been such a long time since she'd felt this weak, this exhausted, this drained. One shift had changed everything- or at least that was how it seemed.

As she glanced at the reflection of herself in the window as they cab crawled through the streets of New York she wondered where her self confidence had gone. The one thing that she always been able to rely on no matter what had been the fact that she was good at what she did. She often found herself being saddened by the things that she had missed out on over the years- marriage, children, a settled life. But when she compared it to what she had achieved- the fact that she had been able to put some monsters away- she would remind herself that perhaps those scarifies had been worth it.

When did that stop?

Olivia wondered when it had become that what she was doing wasn't enough- that there were still cracks that some of the guilty fell through. If she couldn't trust her own judgement then what did she have left to count on?

It felt as if she doubted herself in almost every way, not just professionally but also personally. Her relationship with David had ended, and her attempts to comfort herself that nothing else could have been done made little impact. Olivia couldn't deny the sinking feeling that was becoming a comfortable part of her life. And as the bright lights of a passing car blinded her she realised that she once again found herself alone.

While with David she had attempted to push aside the memories of returning every night after a hard shift to an empty home. To have no one to share the small insignificant details of her day with, for no one to be pleased to say that she had made it through the day. Those memories seemed all too real in the front of her mind as the cab pulled up outside of her apartment.

Taking a deep breath she prepared herself for another evening alone- another evening spent with her thoughts. She paid the cab fair and made her way to the stairs of her apartment building noticing someone familiar leaning against the door; Nick Amaro.

He had a bottle of Merlot in his hand and a pizza in the other- with a small smile Nick shrugged his shoulders as if explain that he didn't know where the idea had come from but he was there.

"I thought you could use a friend." He said replying to the confused look she was wearing as she climbed up the steps.

With nothing but a nod Olivia let him in not fighting against the opportunity to make a friend when she'd just lost a lover.

It was time to put herself back together.


	2. Chapter 2

As requested- now to become a full length story! Sorry for taking so long to actually get to writing this- things have been hectic but I hope you all enjoy this please review let me know if you want more.

**Pieces Mended**

**(1)**

Olivia led Nick inside silently a part of her wanting to turn him away, explain that after everything she was best left alone, but for some reason the words wouldn't form on her lips. They walked up the stairs to her apartment and she couldn't help but feel slightly defensive of her personal space as she slipped the key into the lock waiting for the clicking sound to enter her ears.

Once they were inside Nick stood awkwardly by the door glancing around as if judging the space he had found himself in but no criticism seem to come from his viewings. It was a nice apartment- neat. In a strange way it was what he had expected it to be.

"Come in..." The words seemed redundant but they sparked him into life as he moved to the sofa waiting as she returned with two wine glasses. Nick continued glancing around attempting to look for clues as to who his partner was when she was not a work but it appeared to be a fruitless task as he took in the almost bare walls. After Olivia had returned she sat down in the seat opposite him pouring the wine waiting for him to open the pizza box not wanting to seem rude.

"I'm sorry about just showing up like this..." Nick offered quietly realising that after all of this time he still hadn't figure out how to act around her. Their relationship had gotten off to a rocky start and it was more than clear that she missed the familiarity of her old partner and friend.

"No...No it's fine..." She gave him a weak smile taking a sip of her wine not knowing how to show her appreciation for the simple fact that he'd decided to see how she was (and attempt to cheer her up) deciding that the best thing to do would be to simply just say it. "Thank you...for coming...it means a lot"

"We're partners..." He said with a charming smile taking a bite of his pizza before adding. "...I got your back..."

"Thanks..." Olivia seemed to pause as she churned over the sentence in her head before she could verbalise it. "...It doesn't feel like a lot of people have at the moment..." She hadn't realised until now how lonely she felt. Her work had consumed her life and only now had she opened herself up to something more only to find that it could be taken away in the blink of an eye.

"You're tough...You're going to make it through this..." Nick assured her with a nod recognising that at the end of the day- they were just people. They felt exhausted, defeated and heartbroken just like all the other people in this city. But every day that faced things that wore them down just a bit more, things that made them doubt everything in their lives and there just seemed to be no end to that.

"This job...It doesn't stop screwing you over..." She announced in a deadpan voice as she took another long sip of her wine not meeting Nick's eye as the disappointments she had attempted to hide came to the forefront of her mind.

"I guess you're right..." He shrugged silently his intense dark eyes focused on her attempting to gauge his next moves, words and actions. "But...we're good at what we do..."

"It doesn't feel like it..." Olivia gave him a small humourless laugh, shaking her head. "It really doesn't feel like it today..."

"You're good at what you do Olivia...really good..." He paused taking a deep breath organising his thoughts before he spoke again. Nick decided to remain silent about David and the problems they had encountered noting that it was not his place to ask about personal things. "We all make mistakes..."

"I've made a lot recently..." _Could she count David as a mistake?_ She thought to herself suddenly feeling drained. Surely it was better to have known him, to have felt a connection and to be able to keep those memories than never having experienced them at all. But the bitter sweetness of the situation seemed to linger even when she attempted to brush the sadness she felt for losing him aside.

"This is just a rough patch" Nick suggested grasping at straws attempting to find the right things to say in order to make her feel better. "It's going to get better..."

"I'm sorry" Olivia looked away suddenly feeling embarrassed with the weakness she had displayed to him. For some reason it didn't feel right letting him witness the thoughts that been plaguing her throughout the day. They weren't that close- and a part of her didn't know if she trusted him. It seemed ridiculous but she wondered if the problem had simply been that she didn't want to. Elliot had been such a large part of her life that it seemed like betrayal replacing him.

"Don't be..." He gave her a warm smile sending an unexpected tingle down her spine. "...If you want to talk then I'd be happy to listen. But it's up to you, whatever you want..."

"You're a good person Nick..." She smiled at him and for the first time that night her smile was genuine. She meant what she'd said. His compassion had surprised her slightly but it was something she was thankful for.

"So are you. You've got to give yourself more credit." He said softly, meaningfully meeting her eye as he spoke. "For now...if you eat some pizza I'd be happy because I'm going to eat the whole thing myself if you don't..."

Olivia picked up a slice attempting to relax into her seat as she did so- this was after all her home. It had been a while since she'd eaten with a friend like this and as she listened to Nick's stories about his family she realised that she'd missed it. She missed connecting with someone.

The rest of the night seemed to pass in a mild haze of conversation and wine. As Olivia walked Nick to the door she realised that she was surprised by just how much she'd enjoyed his company. A part of her had been expecting the awkward atmosphere to linger throughout the evening but it melted away with ease.

"Chin up" He said with a smile to her as he stood outside the door his hands tucked into his pockets in a suave manner. She nodded in response silently promising to try and keep going despite all of the setbacks that had been thrown her way recently.

"Good night" Olivia replied mirroring his stance awkwardly tucking her hands into the pocket of her jeans not knowing whether to closer the door or wait until he had disappeared out of sight.

"Good night" Catching her by surprise Nick leant forward pressed his lips against her cheek kissing her quickly before disappearing into the night.

Olivia found herself standing by the door slightly stunned by the encounter she and Nick had just had. And for a few seconds it was as if she was stuck to the spot wondering what had just happened in the past few hours.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you all for you feedback- it means a great deal- please keep reviewing I love hearing what y'all think :-)

**Pieces Mended**

**(2)**

The morning light poured through the windows waking Olivia with gentle force, the day waiting for her to get started. With an exhausted groan she threw the covers away getting up while attempting to prepare her mind for all of the things that were about to come. The hot water of the shower washed away the sleepiness but still the exhaustion remained as she dressed the smell of coffee filling her apartment.

The empty bottle of wine and pizza box had remained on the coffee table a reminder of the night before. She couldn't help but smile to herself thinking about Nick's offering of help when she had needed it. But with that the memories of David and what had happened between them started to nag at the back of her mind; a bittersweet atmosphere settling in the small space.

Taking a sip of her coffee Olivia tried to shake the feeling that had sunk into her skin, briefly reading the headlines that were on that morning's paper in order to distract herself; her phone rang cutting through the silence.

"Benson" She answered it with a small sigh as she prepared herself for the details of the case they would be working today.

"Vice just threw a 6'47 our way." Nick's voice filled her ears, his serious tone speaking of the severity of the situation. "I'll come pick you up"

"Sure" With the sound of a click the phone call ended. A strange amount of anxiety settled in as she acknowledged that she had to go back to work; that it was up to her to speak for their victim. That feeling that she'd had the previous of self doubt had not yet disappeared. And as she watched the door with a steady gaze it became all the more real that the moment she left that door there would be eyes on her; the way she worked, the things she did and the things she said.

It seemed bizarre to her that after all of these years she, once again, doubted her ability. Olivia glanced at her breakfast, her stomach turning to knots; the food suddenly becoming unappetising.

The buzzer rang throughout the apartment startling her slightly as she came back to present time realising that there was somewhere she needed to be. Taking a few moments she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Olivia grabbed her things from the table abandoning everything in a slight daze.

"I'll be right out" She informed the person, on the other side, she assumed would be Nick. Quickly slamming the front door shut she rushed down the stairs.

Nick was waiting by the car, leaning against the driver side door with his hands casually tucked into his pockets; a frown upon his features as he watched passersby while waiting for her. Their eyes met and a strange understanding was created between them; they were jaded. This job had most certainly gotten to them- under their skin.

"Sorry for the wait" Olivia said awkwardly making her way towards the car.

"It's fine...I don't think the DB has any plans..." He said with a small smile attempting to raise the mood that they had both found themselves in.

"Very funny" She forced a small laugh climbing into the passenger seat.

"How are you feeling today?" Nick asked keeping his eyes focused on the road rather than watching her.

"I'm...okay...I think" Olivia gave him a faint smile appreciating his concern but realising that she had lied slightly about how she was feeling. It was time to put on a mask, a brave face and pretend that things were going as she had planned for them to.

Dark skies rolled in the clouds above them matching the dark mood that had settled in Olivia's system. People rushed about the streets with somewhere to be not looking back at the strangers they had pushed aside. Traffic clogged up all the roads with drivers restlessly tapping their fingers against their steering wheels. It was another day; just another day in a city like this. As she glanced at the sky scrapers that surrounded her she realised just how small she felt.

The car lurched forwards suddenly as the traffic lights turned green as people attempted to escape their static positions in order to get to where it was they needed to be. Nick turned to her but quickly looked away swallowing whatever words that had appeared in his mind.

"We're almost there" he ended up saying to the taxi ahead of them making a turning into a narrow road. Olivia simply just nodded taking in the damp walls and gloom they had made a turn into. After a short amount of time Nick pulled up, stopping the car in near a dark alley.

The detectives climbed out of the car approaching the yellow tape with cautious steps their heels clicking against the ground.

"What do we have?" Nick asked moving under the tape with one quick motion.

"Underage girl, found naked, bound... She's not talking..." The CSU tech informed them tucking his clip board beneath his arm as he led the detectives to the crime scene. "She's being taken to Lincoln Medical" He indicated to the ambulance.

A metallic smell filled the air, getting steadily stronger as they made their way to a particularly dark part of the alleyway. Damp crawled down the side of the building, the mould and water determined to reach the ground.

"She was found here..." The tech stepped back letting the detective's eyes wash over the small space. Blood stained the floor and the walls in an odd pattern of hurt.

"Who found her?" Olivia asked turning away from the blood pool and splatter surveying the rest of their crime scene.

"A guy who works in the cafe across the street...Frankie Mitchell...He was sneaking out of work for a cigarette break..." Again the tech indicated to the side lines where a man stood with a pale face and a nervous expression.

"Picked the wrong alleyway..." Olivia gave a small shrug turning back to the very spot where their victim had been found.

"Well...smoking is bad for you..." Nick added. There were a few moments silence as they both attempted to let everything around them sink in before they attempted to make guesses at what had happened here.

"Her clothes haven't been found, no traces of a weapon and see the way the blood has pooled...I don't think this is our primary..." She said turning to her partner, the glint in her eye clearly suggesting that she was unsure about the judgement she had made.

"You're right..." He agreed with a firm nod and a weak smile hoping that he could help her get her confidence back.

"We should go see our victim...Maybe she's talking..." Olivia glanced around; the intonation in her voice clearly suggesting that she was asking Nick weather he agreed.

They walked back to the car watching evidence was carefully being handled and collected to be processed, hoping for the sake of their victim that the things they'd found would be enough to piece together what had happened here.

Again they were moving through the streets surrounded by the sound of silence as they prepared themselves for the story they knew was going to unfold.


End file.
